Author: Oisin McNevin

Credit Kampus Productions at pexels.com 

The long-lasting social stigma of mental health prompts the question, why do men suffer in silence? 

Some men suffer due to childhood abuse, some struggle with day-to-day stresses such as work or college, while others suffer from domestic violence or even depression. 

Domestic violence is a difficult situation to escape, as a lot of men still have a heteronormative, patriarchal view on relationships – a ‘toxic masculinity’ trait that drives a lot of men into  crisis, with some resorting to suicide from the shame. 

Hypnotherapist Larry McMahon is based in County Kerry and has worked with many men, who have dealt with depression for many different reasons. On the topic of domestic violence against men he said, “Domestic abusers are bullies and can sense a person’s vulnerability when meeting them – that happens a lot – and the person on the receiving end of the abuse is used to feeling picked on. My job is to give them the strength to stand up for themselves”.  

There are many supports out there for men going through difficulties.

Men’s Aid is dedicated to helping men get out of, or deal with, the trauma that they experienced at the hands of a partner. 

Men’s Shed is another support network targeted at assisting men with their mental health battles, typically men in their fifties or sixties. 

Ben Dolan, who works for Men’s Shed, recalls how the programme got started.  “It started in Australia 30 years ago, it was originally women that were going in to talk about their problems but some of the husbands of these women would drop them off to this meeting, and one day they invited the men in too,” said Dolan.  

Rebecca McLaughlin, who also works for Men’s Shed, said:”The men that we deal with are men who came from a generation that believed talking about your feelings was not considered manly, and that you had to put up a front, or in other words mask your feelings”. 

She continued: “Although, when you get them talking it’s hard to get them to stop.”

Many Men’s Sheds are themed, offering spaces for men with struggles in common to understand themselves and help others.

“There are many types of sheds, for example there is a car shed where men who struggle with their mental health can also share their love for automobiles, which gives them a sense of belonging and a sense of community,” said Dolan. 

“Some of the men we deal with even have troubled pasts; for example, we’ve had ex-prisoners that have come into the sheds and are very open about their problems.

“There is a real sense of brotherhood in the shed, where these men are shoulder to shoulder with each other, and are there to support each other through their problems.”

McLaughlin and Dolan are both very passionate about breaking the stigma of men’s mental health, and feel that Irish society is in a better place than 20 years ago. They have plans to widen their programmes to universities for men going through many different challenges such as, assignments, maybe they have problems at home, grades in college. Their part time jobs may be stressful.

McLaughlin said, “We are in the process of making a shed dedicated to male university students to talk about their feelings, for students going through exams, assignments and transitioning from school to university, these can be challenging so that is definitely in the works.”

She added: “Most men who are going through a mental health crisis, know the supports are there, but they have that feeling that there is no need to use the supports.”