The 5 worst Christmas songs in the history of forever. Ever.

Christmas songs are like marmalade; you either love them or hate them. Many Christmas songs are undeniably very good songs ( ‘Let it Snow’ The Rat Pack, ‘Little Drummer Boy’ famously performed by David Bowie and Bing Crosby in 1977 and ‘Driving Home for Christmas’ by Chris Rea for example).

However, many Christmas songs are undeniably some of the most horrific musical entities ever unleashed upon planet Earth. Here are 5 of some of the worst ones ever to pollute the airwaves:

5. Train-‘Shake up Christmas’

Released by the American rock group on 1st November 2010, ‘Shake up Christmas’ includes lyrics such as “don’t remember it, so let’s December it”, and a chorus of “Ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho, it’s Christmas time.”

No-no-no, no-no-no.

4. New Kids on the Block- ‘Funky, Funky Xmas’

A single from the Boston pop groups third album ‘Merry, Merry Christmas’, ‘Funky, Funky Xmas’ went on to become an essential part of anybodys Christmas playlist due to its deep, multi-layered lyrics dealing with the true value of Christmas and the problem of capitalist consumerism during the festive period.

Well, maybe I was reading into it too much. Respekt to MC Santa Claus up in this hiz-ous though.

3. Cyndi Lauper- ‘Christmas Conga’

This is an interesting one. It sounds like a Mexican mariachi band having done too much LSD in a nightclub in Manchester in the late 90’s. Listen out for Cyndi’s impersonation of an airline hostess making an announcement around the 2 minute mark.

2. John Denver- ‘Please Daddy (Don’t get drunk this Christmas)

Want to take a break from listening to Christmas songs about togetherness, sharing, goodwill and love? Well then John Denver’s your man! Here’s a heartwarming ditty about alcoholism and domestic abuse in smalltown America. Enjoy, y’all.

1. The Cheeky Girls- ‘Boys and Girls (Xmas Time Love)

Remember these two? The Transylvanian identical twins released this europop ode to yuletide festivities in 2004.

I won’t spoil it for you. Enjoy boys and guuuuuuuuuuurhls.

Leave a Reply