New site take-off? 9 ways you know you’re flying Ryanair

Sit back and relax, right? Photography: ‘fabbriciuse’ via Flickr

Ryanair has finally accepted their website is AWFUL.

Speaking on RTE’s Prime Time, Chief Executive Michael O’Leary accepted that the site is “the source of most complaints [from customers]”.

O’Leary described the site as “clunky” and “very frustrating”, echoing the user experience of… everyone.

But we’re in luck, O’Leary has promised a rollout of developments in the coming weeks making the site “simpler to engage with”.

To celebrate the good news, The City has compiled a list of the nine ways you know you’re on a Ryanair flight.

1. You’ve inadvertently added travel insurance, RyanairTalk or a bus transfer to your booking.

We’ve all done it, at least once. The frustration of booking the flight becomes a minefield of finger-slips. And that travel insurance doesn’t come cheap!

Ryanair 2

2. Ok. You’ve made the booking. Wait. You forgot to print out the boarding pass!

Quick! You’ve twenty minutes until the four hour deadline. It’s a game of mission impossible with the printer cables.

Ryanair 3

3. Phew, you’re at the airport. Carry-on luggage? Ryanair doesn’t think so!

You bought duty-free didn’t you? Silly, silly silly. You’re clearly a Ryanair nube. Now comes the 10 minute struggle at the departure gates stuffing Toblerones and that reduced bottle of Jack into your tattered old school rucksack.

Ryanair 1

4. You’re in. Time for the seat scramble.

It’s like a game of musical chairs, except your only sound track is the gentle hum of elevator music. Yep, no pre-assigned seating with Ryanair. Get held up at the departure gates with that Toblerone? Welcome to the seat right at the back next to the screaming baby.

ryanair 3

5. Buckle up. Phone on airplane mode and… OFF. Ready for your safety demonstration?

Keep tuned in, because blink and its gone. Your hostess of the most-ess will be throwing on the oxygen mask and life vest like it’s a real life emergency. Don’t forget to thoroughly read the safety card!

Ryanair 4

6. And it’s take off! Sit back, enjoy the ride and, you guessed it, the Ryanair lottery tickets.

Relax they said. Take a nap they said. Oh, and listen to us drone on as we patrol the isle with tickets, perfumes, e-ciggarettes and miniature aeroplanes.

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7. It’s no use, you’re awake. You might as well get a cup of tae. €3!?

Yep, and you better hope you’re sorry tush you’re not hungry. A packet soup is another €3.50, and a panini accompaniment will set you back €5.50. Wallet empty and only 15 minutes into the flight. Lets hope you’re not travelling too far.

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8. You got some sleep and the captain’s announcing the landing. Wait for it… wait for it… “toot to-toot!”

The infamous Ryanair on-time trumpet jingle.

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9. Phone on and airplane mode off. Hysterical beeping from your phone. Backpack on. Ready for the hike to the arrivals lounge?

That’s an estimated 30 minute walk. What Ryanair doesn’t tell you is that the secret to their cheap flights is in them having you walk half the journey… enjoy! Oh, and welcome to your destination.

Ryanair 9

Got any other fond memories of your Ryanair travels? Tell us in the comments!


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